Dear Fellow Humans
Let’s do a check-in!
It’s been a while since we last crossed each other’s mind, hasn’t it? How is your heart? Is it still soft? How is your spirit? Is it still free? Are your safest and loving thoughts still with you?
As of right now, I’m still processing everything. Still trying to make sense of what happened. Still praying for the safety for all of the AAPI and BIPOC communities everywhere. But I am fully aware, just like any form of trauma, the healing process cannot start until everyone feels a sense of safety.
Regarding the many incidents of hate and violence, especially the most recent senseless acts, perpetrated against the most vulnerable individuals of the Asian communities across this racist nation—the US of America (!!!) since the start of this pandemic, I have had many feelings and many thoughts. But I’ve learned to regulate myself well in the midst of the chaos because I still need to be available and hold space for clients who need to process their trauma. I am also a caregiver to my elderly father in my personal life—the magic of life and the pandemic have made it happen. Thankfully, apology, remorse and forgiveness have allowed for healing and love to take place within my relationship with my father. But there is always work to be done.
Anyhow, I choose not to post my response to the recent tragedy in the heat of the moment or while I am still sorting through my thoughts, mainly because I need to take care of myself first. But please know this, I have been dealing with these issues of hate, violence and oppression all of my life, while growing up and living in the US as an immigrant woman of color. I have even made a career out of it! So I am far from desensitized or removed from it. But I do know where to draw my boundary with the internet.
I’ve learned over the years that not many have earned the right to my privacy and not everyone will understand or empathize with me even if I share my life experiences. And I don’t need to broadcast details of my life to the world on this digital platform, because that is not real intimacy, and definitely not a healthy way to build healthy connection with real human beings. I choose when, where, and what to share if I am certain that my experience and the lessons I have gathered can be meaningful for others.
To me, real life, real intimacy, real relationships, real growth, real impact, real influence, and real change take place in the real world, NOT in the number of people who follow you on social media, NOT in the DMs or text messages, NOT in how many like your posts or watch your videos. It happens in the heart work you do that molds and shapes the everyday lives of others for the better, those who may not even remember your name.
However, I sincerely thank you and give my heartfelt appreciation to those who have stood in solidarity with my AAPI community and remained strong by our side, whether that be reaching out to check on your Asian people, posting your support on your social media platform or actively involving yourself in a #StopAAPIHate cause. I see you. And I stand with you, the true fellow BIPOC who are doing the real decolonizing work and not just jumping on the bandwagon for popularity, branding or marketing purposes.
Whether you are a mental health professional, a social worker, and/or a passionate activist, I’m sure you already know that the real work of decolonization and the real change start with you, your psyche, your worldview, your ethics, your behaviors, and your lifestyle. It also takes place within your family, your social circle, your community, your institution, and your relationships. It is in the way you relate and respond to those who are different from you and those who may not benefit you or return any favors to you in any way, shape or form.
This work is not a sprint, but a lifelong marathon. Make sure you take good care of yourself in the process, so that you do not burn out all your fumes too quickly and too soon. Save some of your best self and your vibrant energy for your beloved partner or spouse, children and family, too.
With that said, I’m working on some writing and will post new blog a little later. Please be safe out there and take care of yourself and your loved ones. I am sending all the blessings and biggest cheers to all the Social Workers who are in the trenches and doing the real heart work. I am grateful to call you my comrades! ~Love, Hoa.